why people change

According to the classic, best-selling self-help book, I’m OK-You’re OK, there are 3 things that make people want to change: pain, boredom, and belief.

1. They hurt sufficiently.
Pain is the great motivator. Unfortunatley, it’s only when pain is so very high that real change becomes possible. Why change if things are going well, or appear to be going well? Pain avoidance is arguably stronger than pleasure seeking.

2. Boredom.
Don’t confuse resting with being idle. Resting, without restlessness, is good. Idleness is dangerous. Left with too much time to do too much thinking leads too many people down too many wrong roads. Find something positive and healthy to do with that energy.

3. The sudden discovery that they can.
Once the realization that anything is possible comes into existence, action soon follows and real change begins to take place. Whatever you believe, so it will be. Therefore we have to believe that we can more than we can’t.

No one particularly likes to make changes, edits, or take do-overs in life. But people will change when they begin to believe it’s their idea to do so. Changes – of course – aren’t optional, they’re inevitable. It’s not a matter of if, but when.

©2008 Tom Leu

what is the RockStar Way™?

40 second video to answer this FAQ…

©2008 Tom Leu

middle-age can make you miserable?

I first heard the following from John Tesh’s radio show, Intelligence for Your Life, and then went to www.tesh.com for the text:

Middle-age can make you miserable!  If you’re down in the dumps, don’t blame your job, your spouse or your kids.  According to USA Today, a new study finds that middle-age slump peaks around age 44 for both men and women.  Researchers from the United States and Great Britain identified the same slump in nearly all of the 80 countries they studied, from Albania to Zimbabwe.  They analyzed the anxiety levels, mental health and well-being of 2 million people around the world and a universal pattern emerged.  For most folks, life begins cheerful, turns difficult in middle-age, and then returns to the joy of youth in the golden years.

The researchers say that if you are in your 40’s and finding life tough, take comfort in knowing you’re not alone.  It happens to men and women, single and married people, rich and poor, and people with and without children.  While they don’t have concrete answers for why people aren’t happy in their 40’s, the experts do have some ideas.  Andrew Oswald is the co-author of the study, and he says in our 40’s, we learned to put the brakes on our “unattainable” goals.  We have to lower our expectations and face reality, and figure out what we can actually hope to achieve.  In other words – we wake up to the fact that we won’t realize all of our dreams.

For most, the downturn doesn’t come on all at once, it happens gradually.  In their 50’s, people come out of this low period. They begin to value the years they’ve got left, and they embrace life more.  Here’s more good news: once you hit age 70, if you’re still physically fit, you’re likely to be as happy and mentally healthy as a 20 year old!  Now that’s something to look forward to.

Interesting article. Here’s the take-away for me however…

Whether you’re in your 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s or beyond – giving up on your dreams will make you old.  The world tells you, and wants you to believe that you cannot, that you shouldn’t, that you ought not to.  Don’t listen to the naysayers. Distance yourself from dream stealers.  Age is irrelevant to contribution. As long as you have the passion and an attitude that takes action toward your dreams, anything is possible.  The age-old aphorism states that if you don’t try you’ve already failed.  Keep the faith. It ‘aint over until you decide it is.

©2008 Tom Leu

“communichology”

Everyone is in sales. Whether you’re selling a product, a service, or yourself as a product or a service – we’re all in the sales business. It goes in order like this:

Communication → Influence → Persuasion → Sales

1) It starts with effective communication that’s compelling and influential. 2) The art of influence then turns into 3) the science of persuasion that moves people to do what you want them to do. 4) “Sales” happens.

Kevin Hogan, a leader in the fields of influence and persuasion, reports the following:

Frederick Douglass said, “If I can persuade, I can move the universe.”

What is persuasion?   Persuasion is the purpose and intention of communication.

You tell your girlfriend or your wife (or whoever), “My you look hot.”  

Why?  You have an intention…

Everyone communicates with intentions. But not all communicate particularly well → verbally, non-verbally, or written – to bring their intentions to fruition.

Communication must be influential and persuasive.

Can you be influential and not persuasive? Yes. Can you be persuasive and not influential? No. To persuade, by definition, is exerting influence – to move one in a direction; into action.

Little communication is truly influential → (having the potential power to convince or induce belief) – Influence is an art that has many forms, styles, and methods of delivery. Influence is the “what” of communication. 

Influential communication has to build into persuasion → (cogent communication intended to move one to action) – Persuasion is a science with proven techniques and strategies. Persuasion is the “how” of influence.

Not all persuasive people can actually sell or close a deal. Sales resides at the intersection of psychology and communication… Sales is the “product” of persuasive influence.

“Communichology™” = Executing priniciples of influential communication with persuasion psychology to direct and shape human behavior.

New book coming soon… check back for more excerpts.

©2008 Tom Leu

the 5 challenges

Finding balance seems to be life’s biggest challenge. The following are five specific challenges or conflicts that most of us face. They can be managed and balanced given the proper perspective, honest evaluation, and ongoing attention. So where are you on the continuums?

1) True Identity vs. Projected Image
Who you really are vs. who you lead others to believe you are.

2) Aspirations vs. Actions
Intellectually knowing what you want to do vs. physically doing what it takes. Really knowing what to do isn’t the same as actually doing what you know.

3) Pursuing Passions vs. Resigning to Responsibility
Doing what you love to thrive vs. doing what you have to do to survive. Wanting to get away, recover, discover and reflect vs. having to stay the course, punch-in & persevere. We all battle the desire to check out with the need to keep up.

4) Spirituality vs. Religion
Freedom pursuing truth vs. fear of not towing the line. Escaping external condemnation and guilt by moving toward internal celebration and guidance.

5) Contribution vs. Acquisition
Leaving a lasting legacy vs. looking out for number one.

As you consider where you fall on these continuums, remember that the goal is progress, not perfection. The joy ought to be the journey, not the final destination.

©2008 Tom Leu

working out

I think, for a lot of us, working out or exercising and embarking on “spiritual” pursuits are procrastinated similarly. It usually goes something like this: 1) you know you ought to, 2) you realize it’s good for you, 3) you often don’t feel like it, 4) but when you do, you’re always glad that you did.

©2008 Tom Leu

take pause

An extra pause, properly placed, followed by careful consideration of word choice, can go a long way. Your communication IS who you present yourself to be. Check out Seth Godin’s post called “Two Seconds” for more on this. Here’s a snapshot:

“Sometimes, busy people need to remind themselves (and us) how busy they are by shaving off the last two seconds of what would otherwise be a pleasant interaction…”

Take pause… when your voice is being heard more than it’s not. Take pause… when your pace exceeds your ability to process. Take pause… when stillness is forfeited for busyness. Take pause… when serenity masquerades as indifference. Take pause…

©2008 Tom Leu

I Don’t Care Anymore

“I Don’t Care Anymore” (1:06)

Real success requires the journey be more important than the outcome.

©2008 Tom Leu

mirror

Sometimes it’s necessary to make changes to things that may have long been apart of who you’ve been and who you are, but are now holding you back.

“I was doing superficial comedy entertaining people who didn’t really care: Businessmen, people in nightclubs, conservative people. And I had been doing that for the better part of 10 years when it finally dawned on me that I was in the wrong places doing the wrong things for the wrong people.”  – George Carlin on evolving his comedy act in the early 1970’s.

Whether it’s tweaking your act, adjusting your business approach, or revamping how you manage your relationships… the key is awareness followed by immediate action. Truly look at yourself inside out. Pay attention to what hasn’t been working in life up to this point. Then decide if you really want to make some changes. If your motivation for change is more about wanting to rather than needing to, your results will be greater. 

If you’re honestly in the right place, doing the right things, with and for the right people, then commit to doing everything you can not to screw it up. Look in the mirror, make the tough decisions, and continue making the necessary changes as needed. You really can’t afford not to.

©2008 Tom Leu

“Peaceful Warrior”

The motion picture version of author Dan Millman’s classic book, Way of the Peaceful Warrior had a big impact on me for a variety of reasons. First, like the book, it is simply one of those movies that gets you thinking… about the positive. It encourages a person to reconsider what’s really important in life. Second, it’s honest. The storytelling combines optimism with the challenging realities that life throws at us sometimes. Without being an overblown, fairy-tale-type film, the movie’s message is able to inspire while not coming off predictable. Finally, we’re left with the all important take-away. Co-star Nick Nolte (Soc), lists the three keys to life. Here they are, in order, complete with my take… Get the movie & read the book, you’ll be glad you did!

1. Paradox – Things aren’t always what they seem; sometimes they are the opposite of what logic would dictate. In order to be more, we often have to become less; we have to serve. Sometimes what appears good on paper, is actually poison for the soul. Blazing new trails and being true to yourself is uncommon in these times where conformity is king. Don’t settle. Seek what’s true for you… especially if it goes against the grain. You will what you will.

2. Humor – Don’t take yourself and everything in this life so seriously. We have to be able to laugh at ourselves. It invigorates the soul and prolongs life. Find the humor in situations that gnaw at you. It’s there, you just have to look in the right places. Laughter is medicine for the spirit; the elixur of life.

3. Change – It’s inevitable. The unhappiest people in the world are 1) those who don’t really know what they want, and 2) those who resist change. Figure out what really inspires you and then face the inevitable challenges that come with pursuing a dream. The alternative to embracing change is stagnating in the status quo… and for this writer, life is just too short for that.

It’s the journey of course, not the destination, that yields true happiness. So why is it so hard for most of us to be in the now and enjoy the moments of the journey? The revelry and regrets of yesterday, and the promise of tomorrow are often attractive distractions. But they are just that… distractions that block us from really living today. It’s an ongoing effort for most, but one that we cannot afford to do without. BUY the movie. BUY the book.

©2008 Tom Leu