middle-age can make you miserable?

I first heard the following from John Tesh’s radio show, Intelligence for Your Life, and then went to www.tesh.com for the text:

Middle-age can make you miserable!  If you’re down in the dumps, don’t blame your job, your spouse or your kids.  According to USA Today, a new study finds that middle-age slump peaks around age 44 for both men and women.  Researchers from the United States and Great Britain identified the same slump in nearly all of the 80 countries they studied, from Albania to Zimbabwe.  They analyzed the anxiety levels, mental health and well-being of 2 million people around the world and a universal pattern emerged.  For most folks, life begins cheerful, turns difficult in middle-age, and then returns to the joy of youth in the golden years.

The researchers say that if you are in your 40’s and finding life tough, take comfort in knowing you’re not alone.  It happens to men and women, single and married people, rich and poor, and people with and without children.  While they don’t have concrete answers for why people aren’t happy in their 40’s, the experts do have some ideas.  Andrew Oswald is the co-author of the study, and he says in our 40’s, we learned to put the brakes on our “unattainable” goals.  We have to lower our expectations and face reality, and figure out what we can actually hope to achieve.  In other words – we wake up to the fact that we won’t realize all of our dreams.

For most, the downturn doesn’t come on all at once, it happens gradually.  In their 50’s, people come out of this low period. They begin to value the years they’ve got left, and they embrace life more.  Here’s more good news: once you hit age 70, if you’re still physically fit, you’re likely to be as happy and mentally healthy as a 20 year old!  Now that’s something to look forward to.

Interesting article. Here’s the take-away for me however…

Whether you’re in your 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s or beyond - giving up on your dreams will make you old.  The world tells you, and wants you to believe that you cannot, that you shouldn’t, that you ought not to.  Don’t listen to the naysayers. Distance yourself from dream stealers.  Age is irrelevant to contribution. As long as you have the passion and an attitude that takes action toward your dreams, anything is possible.  The age-old aphorism states that if you don’t try you’ve already failed.  Keep the faith. It ‘aint over until you decide it is.

©2008 Tom Leu

living on purpose

“The secret of success is constancy of purpose.” – Benjamin Disraeli

A lot of people live life on accident instead of on purpose. In other words, we are reactive more than we are proactive. We are responding to life rather than creating it.

Living on purpose means to have, at least generally, an idea of where you want to go: a map → a plan → a goal. Writing down your purpose gives it life, and gives you direction and some accountability. This then gives your purpose more opportunity to become reality… which is what you want. When the unexpected twists and turns of life present themselves, we will regain our course sooner and with more certainty when we have a direction and a purpose for being. Got Purpose?

“We are all either building our own dreams or building somebody else’s.” – Jeff Olson

©2008 Tom Leu

in belief we trust

People trust their beliefs, whether they’re actually true or not.

To believe in something requires only an intellectual agreement with the perceived facts – produced from one’s knowledge. To fully trust in something requires an authentic emotional connection with the source - producing one’s truth.

While we may applaud someone’s strong beliefs and heartfelt convictions (their truth), we have to connect to the feelings around their experience to ultimately be swayed in their direction (for it to become our truth).

Believing in… and, trusting in… are not the same truth, in and of themselves.

©2008 Tom Leu

Today in Music History 09/16

TiMH September 16

In 1925, blues guitar legend B.B. King is born.

In 1942, the Hollies bassist Bernie Calvert is born.

In 1948, Small Faces and the Who drummer Kenney Jones is born.

In 1963, singer/songwriter/producer Richard Marx is born.

In 1977, Fleetwood Mac’s Rumours album began its 19th week on the charts at #1.

Also in 1977, Marc Bolan, the man who was T. Rex, died in a car crash at the age of 28.

In 1978, Boston went to No.1 on the US album chart with Don’t Look Back.

Also in 1978, Styx released “Blue Collar Man” as “Just What I Needed” by The Cars peaked at #27 on the charts.

The ABC’s of Success: Aspire to Inspire. Build Bridges. Create a Legacy.

©2008 Tom Leu

Why is it…? #7

…that very often, people’s observable, outward behaviors send a message that is the exact opposite of how they truly feel on the inside?

©2008 Tom Leu

suite oblivion slideshow

From 1997-2003, I played in a rock band with many great musicians from my hometown, Rockford, IL. The band was originally called Patron Smith, but we eventually changed our name to Suite Oblivion in 1999. Suite O’ released one album entitled Shine in 2001, and did very well playing all over northern Illinois and southern Wisconsin for many years.

I’ve been threatening to produce something like this for a long time… and now, finally have. This video/slideshow is set to a medley of original music from the Shine album and features the classic Suite O’ line-up of Mitch Brechon (vocals/guitar), Jay Mock (lead guitar/vocals), Christian White (bass/vocals), and me (drums/keys)… circa 2000-2003. Love those guys!

I’d like to thank ALL the great musicians who have contributed their talents to this band over the years!

www.SuiteO.com - Turn it up!

(A big thanks also to Dan Stogsdill for taking many of the photos used in this video and for slugging it out with us all those years!)

©2008 Tom Leu

“communichology”

Everyone is in sales. Whether you’re selling a product, a service, or yourself as a product or a service - we’re all in the sales business. It goes in order like this:

Communication → Influence → Persuasion → Sales

1) It starts with effective communication that’s compelling and influential. 2) The art of influence then turns into 3) the science of persuasion that moves people to do what you want them to do. 4) “Sales” happens.

Kevin Hogan, a leader in the fields of influence and persuasion, reports the following:

Frederick Douglass said, “If I can persuade, I can move the universe.”

What is persuasion?   Persuasion is the purpose and intention of communication.

You tell your girlfriend or your wife (or whoever), “My you look hot.”  

Why?  You have an intention…

Everyone communicates with intentions. But not all communicate particularly well → verbally, non-verbally, or written – to bring their intentions to fruition.

Communication must be influential and persuasive.

Can you be influential and not persuasive? Yes. Can you be persuasive and not influential? No. To persuade, by definition, is exerting influence – to move one in a direction; into action.

Little communication is truly influential → (having the potential power to convince or induce belief) – Influence is an art that has many forms, styles, and methods of delivery. Influence is the “what” of communication. 

Influential communication has to build into persuasion → (cogent communication intended to move one to action) – Persuasion is a science with proven techniques and strategies. Persuasion is the “how” of influence.

Not all persuasive people can actually sell or close a deal. Sales resides at the intersection of psychology and communication… Sales is the “product” of persuasive influence.

“Communichology™” = Executing priniciples of influential communication with persuasion psychology to direct and shape human behavior.

New book coming soon… check back for more excerpts.

©2008 Tom Leu

your church sucks?

Do you think other churches, religions, traditions, or faiths suck because they’re different than yours? For something to suck, something else has to be better right… to not suck? People are compelled to rank things; to put stuff in order from best to worst. It’s human nature. It helps us make sense of things and feel better about that which we don’t have the time or energy it takes to truly understand.

Most people can drive by the numerous local churches in their cities and towns without really knowing how they all differ. A lot of people claim they attend a church, but few can give you good reasons why they attend. The questions really shouldn’t be “if” or “where” you attend, but ”Why did you choose that one?” The names of the churces on the signs out front mean little to most people because they’ve never taken the time to really look into it.

Except for a rare few theologically educated and astute individuals, (myself excluded), descriptions like evangelical, episcopalian, baptist, presbyterian, methodist, lutheran, pentecostal, adventist, etc., mean very little to most people because there is little understanding of what these words mean and what these denominations actually believe.

So why do so many adhere then to some “religion” that they don’t fully understand? And why do so many (yes I’ll say it), blindly follow a set of faith principles that they really only understand on a surface level. And why do these same people then criticize others who disagree with them? For example, to claim to be a “Christian” in the United States can have very different and diverse meanings, though few really understand these differences.

Good communicators and individuals of influence are able to disagree without being disrespectful.

So, no, your church doesn’t suck. Neither does mine, or hers, or his, or theirs. That’s the whole point… that’s the irony here. I am not shooting down any specific religion, tradition, belief or faith. Rather, I’d propose building them up through awareness from discussion and exploration. Endorsing or opposing anything without proper and thorough knowledge is ridiculous. Though we’ve all been guilty of this from time to time if we’re being honest.

“There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance – that principle is contempt prior to investigation.” – Herbert Spencer

©2008 Tom Leu